Tag Archives: Dating

In The Fridge

Naomi dropped her backpack in the hall and wandered into the kitchen to see what was in the fridge.

Ben followed close behind, like a lap dog. It was plain to see he was besotted with her. 

“Don’t know why my mum keeps buying these DiaryLea lunchables, but I’ll keep eating them.” she offered Ben a plastic lunch pack with a smile. 

“Haha, probably because you can’t even make a Pot Noodle without burning the kitchen down.” Ben teased. 

“I’m not that bad! She rolled her eyes and sat up on the kitchen worktop to eat. 

“I well and truly messed that up. I’ve definitely failed.” Naomi closed her eyes and sighed. 

“Don’t say that you always think you’ve done worse than you have, you said that in the mocks and you did great.” Ben put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. 

“Great? I scraped a D, Ben. A D! The only place I’ll be going in September will be the Job Centre, most likely with my mum.” The panic began to rise again. Naomi jumped down and opened a can of Coke as a distraction. 

“Mum’s going to be so disappointed. She wanted me to get into the sixth form and follow Golden Balls to university. I’m going to be stuck stewarding at the game until I’m 65, like Jimmy Mac.” She fought back tears. 

“Hey, hey come on.” Ben put his arms around her shoulders. “Elle, it’s alright to not have it all worked out yet. Just because my predicted grades are good, it doesn’t mean I know which path I’m going to take.

“Just try and chill a bit. You can only do your best.” Ben gave her a winning smile. He was doing everything right. Being a shoulder to cry on, offering good advice, giving her space, not being too pushy. By the end of the term, they’d be an item. He was sure of it. 

“Urgh, anyway, I can’t change it now, can I?” Naomi wiped her eyes and dropped her packet into the kitchen bin. “Come on, kick your arse on MarioKart?”

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Perplexed

“Honestly, people never cease to amaze me, mum. He’s just never going to change, is he?” Ellie huffed down the phone to her mum.

“If I hadn’t have seen the odd photo Elle, I wouldn’t believe he existed the way you two carry on. He doesn’t deserve you, I told you that when he didn’t bother to send you flowers on Valentine’s Day.” Her mum replied. Holding a grudge was a family trait.

“Oh anyway, I’ve told him that actions speak louder than words. I can’t be doing with this anymore. I’d almost rather be back on Tinder you know.” Ellie thought about redownloading the online dating app, again.

She’d deleted it after a few weeks of dating Nick, and had toyed with the idea of checking whether the grass really was greener. A friend had spotted Nick on the app a year or so later when he was away with work and they’d been arguing. It crushed Ellie. 

Maybe she’d give him one last chance. “Right, I’d better get going, I’m covering the council meeting at 9, will give you a buzz tonight.” Ellie rang off and packed up her day bag.

Life as a journalist is a slog, but no two days are ever the same. It’s what kept Ellie in the job. One day it’s match reporting from the press box or interviewing footballers, the next it’s charity bake sales, next it’s documenting military veterans stories and there were the late-night calls to crime scene, fire or bomb scares.

Today was a run of the mill council meeting at the Town Hall. Laptop, pen, pad, and a Kinder Bueno should do it. She picked up the note Nick had left on the kitchen worktop, and folded it into her pocket making a mental note to text him later.

The long, unpredictable hours left Ellie’s personal life lacking. The on/off thing with Nick was once full of promise. But her erratic work life, his all-encompassing job and study schedule, made actual dates sporadic at best.

Friends had long given up asking to meet Nick. The time they got together was sacred to Ellie and she was reluctant to share him. Although after almost two and a half years, their tiny social bubble seemed odd.

Add to that a lack of any family introduction on either side and Ellie was often left feeling perplexed as to who and what they were? They hook up, they have dinner, they go for cocktails, they have fun, they stay over, they go their separate ways.

Why was she so obsessed with labels? Anyway, the note said he needed to talk and that’s never ended well.

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Delete As Appropriate

There’s an article in the Sunday Times magazine today about the new rules of midlife dating. Not gonna lie, they read as the exact same shit we’ve been putting up with for the last decade. 

I love writing about dating. Aren’t humans really weird? We are, aren’t we? Like we say things we absolutely do not mean, we go in with the best of intentions, well, most of us, and then poof, in an instant, you’re ghosted/sent an unsolicited dick pic/they’re married – delete as appropriate.

Here are some stats from the article in which researchers polled 1,000 men and women age 35+.

50% of women polled have been ghosted. 85% of men polled are open to dating someone 10+ years younger vs 40% of women. 53% of respondents want dating with no commitment. 58% of respondents agree that sex is more adventurous than when they were younger. 

Oh hey, fellow cougars! Seriously, none of those stats, or others such as 36% of respondents are looking for casual sex or 40% of daters have sexted each other, surprise me. It’s been the done thing since at least 2010. So how are these the new rules?

Ghosting needs to get right in the bin. It’s utterly shitty behavior. If you can make a connection with someone, invest in chatting, texting, emailing, sliding into DM’s or whatever and then pretend it never happened, you should automatically contract herpes. Guys and girls, find your balls and dish out the goodbyes, it’s just good manners.

Dating sites are a false economy. Yeah, they give you access to loads of single and obviously married people looking to flirt, sext and once in a while, actually get together. But from the off, you’re met with an uneasy gut feeling that you’re most definitely not the only fish in the sea. It’s a digital cattle market where dick pics are traded freely and little white lies such as height, career, and er, wives seem to fall by the wayside.

How can anyone expect to create something real on that foundation? It’s not just the likes of Tinder, Bumble or Match.com either.

LinkedIn? Seriously, sending slimy messages about meeting up for a ‘mentoring sessions’ wink, wink is not acceptable in 2020. The bottom line is, dating sites are a breeding ground for everything that is wrong with dating right now. Frivolous, commitment-free, distractions from real life. Just get Pinterest and plan a trip or redecorate your bedroom. It’ll make you happier, I promise.

For us, 35+ ers, life post first (and second) marriage, with kids and careers to juggle can be pretty heavy. I fall into a few of those stats myself. Like most of those polled, I’m not looking to get married ever again, and I don’t necessarily want to live with anyone full time again either. But it doesn’t mean I should have to settle for the likes of dirty dick Dan who’s throwing pics of his junk around like news blasts from Love Island #IGotAText sigh.

Is there no such thing as a fairy tale ending for those ticking the 35-40 box? Are we destined to be slightly less wealthy Samanthas? Are we okay with that? Slide into my inbox (bork) KateJamesBlogs@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

 

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It’s Only Words

I’ve got a proper dating dilemma going on……you won’t believe it.

And that one sentence above is the problem I’m facing. What happens when you’re so messed up by douche bag boys that you can’t believe a word anyone says. What happened to integrity, honesty, leaving your blue ticks and ‘last seen’ on WhatsApp? What’s with all the secrecy these days?

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I appreciate that some will read this and think I’m a proper weirdo stalker who is obsessed with knowing the second by second details of my partners life. That’s not the case. I’m just a firm believer that if you say you’re single and into me, liking hundreds of other girls pics on Instagram, bare faced lying about your marital status and concealing the fact your ex just had your baby……just isn’t acceptable.

When it comes to finding ‘the one’, a solid foundation is a must, right? If you go into a relationship with a shit tonne of skeletons in the closet, or you’ve stretched the truth about your amazing job, car, travels, whatever, the chances are the truth, or a quick Google search will trip you up eventually. Do you remember a time when automatically putting your phone on silent and face down on the table when you’re in company, wasn’t the done thing?

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Is it too much to ask that when you’re dating a guy, he isn’t liking pics of cute chicks on Instagram? When a guy tells you he’s single but you spot a sly pack of hair pins on the sink when he sends post-shower selfies? And the ultimate cringe fest that is having your mate trawl Tinder to find your boy parading as a single pringle, when you’re on the phone arranging your next date. (Ps – I got a ‘We were on a break’ excuse for that one).

I’ve met guys who’ve lied about their age, their hairline and their height, the latter being the most despicable when you’re 5ft 9. It can’t be just me. Is anyone else ready to give up because you can’t help but expect that the other person is bullshitting you?

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When we’re surrounded by ‘Reality TV’ that’s been proven to be completely staged for cameras and ratings, when ‘fake news’ attracts more clicks and controversy is the talk of the town, does anyone really care what’s real anymore?

The definition of integrity goes: “the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.” First up, I’m no angel and my moral compass has a few notable dents, but when it comes to dating, I’m 100% straight up. No wait, bad choice of phrase. I mean, I’m honest about who I am, what I do, where I want to be and what I’m looking for. Is the truth too difficult to deal with?

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One guy I was talking to, but had no interest in meeting, finally gave it to me straight (jeeze Kate the puns!). He explained that if a woman had stipulated she wanted to date a non smoker, he’d just keep his habit under wraps until she either fell for him or he got her into bed, which ever happened first. Grade A manipulation, no?

Alright so I can’t tar every guy with the same brush and I’m sure there’s some cute, solvent, single guys out there who know the difference between reality and bull shit. There’s probably some who don’t need to resort to hiding who they really are with fakery and lies too. But asking for all of that and height as well? That seems like a step too far.

Can I pretend I’m 5ft 5?

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Ladies & ……?

I have a very serious, not at all ranty, question to ask…..

Where have all the gentleman gone? Like authentically kind, thoughtful guys who aren’t afraid to show they care, make an effort to engage in conversation, take an interest in what you’re passionate about? I was about to write ‘you know, old school kinda of guys’ but why does it have to be old school?

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Who ever actually did this? And why? Unless she was wearing Louboutins or something

Alright there’s a few things to get straight here. Right now, feminism or equality as I prefer to call it, is at the forefront of our minds, the media and pretty much every glitzy award ceremony the world over, and so it should be, long overdue.

Women deserve an equal place in society to men.

Society has changed immeasurably over the years, from women knowing their place, expectation strangling our career aspirations, forced into second best and to show gratitude for it (I can’t watch Mary Poppins now without absolutely fuming every-time Mr Banks opens his smug mouth) to finally making progress towards women having a voice. We’re running countries, we’re making packed lunches, we’re calling the shots and shattering glass ceilings.

 

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Brush those shoulders off girl!

 

So where do men fit into this new equality thing we’ve got going on. Because if recent Bumble escapades are anything to go by, they don’t know their arse from their elbow.

Is it fair for me to say that despite having a wonderful little family whom I love dearly, a career that fuels my creative passion, friends who make me cry laughing and a fool-proof retirement plan……..is it okay to admit I’d still really like a bit of romance in my life?

Is it ok to be running countries, making packed lunches, calling the shots and shattering glass ceilings AND admit that a little thoughtful ‘hey hope you’re day is going well’ text from a guy I really like, would make my day?

I genuinely do mean romance, not an emotionless, mechanical hook up with a guy from Bumble who shuts the front door the moment you step out into the early morning air, hoping your Delta hasn’t driven off. Can I get a ‘Did you get home okay?’ text? Not a f&cking chance.

 

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Oh well, obvs!

 

What constitutes a gentleman? This is where opinions will vary and while I can easily open doors myself, I carry my own shopping bags and luggage and I can pull out my own chair at the dining table, it doesn’t mean it’s not appreciated when a guy does it for me. They really are old school acts of chivalry, or affection, that have been bred into men for generations and I love nothing more than seeing them in action.

Cut to 2018 and a gentleman in current terms is anyone who hasn’t sent you a dick pic or already shagged half your postcode before your first date. Sheesh, what the hell happened.

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I asked a load of guy and girl mates what they thought ‘A Gentleman’ is. The overwhelming response was someone who is respectful, thoughtful and loyal. You see, it’s not about paying for everything, having to be the emotionally strong one or being the bread winner, it’s about being real.

A gentleman in my opinion is thoughtful. I think that’s it. It just comes down to thinking about the person you’re into/in love with/ care about/ whatever and carrying out those little acts of thoughtfulness to make them smile. It’s not a power struggle. Women are capable, strong, independent, driven and passionate, (and shit loads of other things too) but it doesn’t mean men can’t be appreciated as gentlemen.

You can’t manufacture a gentleman. You either make your momma proud or you don’t. Petition to get Bumble to add a gentleman filter, anyone?

Where do I sign?

 

 

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This Could Be….

It’s no secret that my 2017 dating escapades have been right up there on the crazy scale and so, on the very last day of the year, I’m vowing to do it all again in 2018. No regrets, these are the guys that made up a year in the dating game.

I have to give an enthusiastic high five to the multitude of dating apps that have aided my year as a singly, as hours of message tennis, back and forth until someone plucks up the courage (usually me) to arrange a date, has provided a number of fun adventures…..and a few I’d rather erase from memory. Bumble is my current fave but with a jam-packed January on the cards, I’m going to swerve the apps for a while and see how I get on in full 3d, rather than swiping for love!

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You know what’s worse than being stood up? Meeting your date knowing they bare face lied to you. I have an issue, a deep rooted issue from way back when –  I don’t date guys shorter than me. It stems from a lack of confidence (I know, me!?) and a crappy experience when I was 17. It is what it is and I’m really upfront about it.

This year I’ve matched with no less than 3 blokes who’ve sworn blind they’re 5ft 10, yet stretched up on tip toes to kiss me hello. Why? Why lie about it? Don’t smoke, be up front about your height and DON’T LIE! Am I asking too much?

Anyway, here’s to the guys that make up my dating history for 2017, the good, the bad and the awkward…..

The suited and suave, the epic first kissers, the muddy proposers, the man in uniform, the engineer, the one off the telly, the model, the chef, the property tycoon, the high school sweetheart, the one who made me laugh so much it hurt and the one who said he missed me, just a little, tiny bit. It’s been one hell of a ride.

Huge shout out to my best boy and girl friends who have listened, laughed, encouraged and offered up advice this year. I love you all very much.

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Initially I was all up for big New Year statements such as ‘no more f^&k boys or chasing men who aren’t available’, ‘I’m working on loving myself’ and ‘I’m letting love find me for a change’, but in reality, I really quite enjoy meeting new people and seeing where it goes. I’ll be writing my column on How to be Single in Liverpool over at The Guide Liverpool so keep your eyes peeled for regular, honest and frank accounts of my escapades there.

So while I’ll be focussed on my amazing kids, my bloody awesome job and training for GNR this year, I’ll still be playing the game, in hope there may just be a Prince Charming, Mr Big or 1970’s Harrison Ford out there for me. This could be the year I find my happily ever after.

Happy New Year Guys!

 

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Sorry I’m Late…..

Slightly disgusted that it’s taken me until March 9th to post my first blog of 2017, but in all honesty, I’m late for most other things too.

Hello! Happy New Year, Happy Australia Day, Valentine’s Day and whatever else I’ve missed in the last few weeks. Assume you’ve all completely abandoned any New Years resolutions by now and are, like me, pretending to have a go at Lent instead? As well as being late for stuff I’m also incredibly undisciplined.

Moving swiftly on….

Global Scouse Day

2017 has been epic so far. I’m rushed off my feet with work as The Guide Liverpool goes from strength to strength. I’ve stepped in front of the camera on a number of occasions and (thanks to our ridiculously talented videographers) it looks like I did an okay job! Check out all the action from Global Scouse Day here. (Ps, scouse pizza is the bomb).

Lord Mayors Fashion Show

I’m (just about) still on course to show a capsule collection of military chic couture at The Lord Mayor of Liverpool’s Charity Fashion Show on March 30th at the Devonshire House Hotel. I’ve absolutely no idea how I’ve pulled this off because there really aren’t enough hours in the day to keep up!

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I did manage a little trip over to Belfast with my curly girl a couple of weekends ago. We had a ball exploring the city together and spending the best part of £50 on tacky gifts to bring back home. You can read our very serious review here.

Radio City Cash for Kids

Looking ahead, I’ve just become ‘Face 38’ in the Radio City Cash for Kids 1000 Faces Campaign. The charity are looking for 1000 local faces to sign up and raise just £100 each for local children and their families facing hardship. It’s an incredibly worthy cause, I’ve pledged my support and you can too here. Alternatively just give me some change or you know, like £100 the next time we meet up. That would be great thanks.

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Aside from work I’ve been back on the dating scene, which let me enlighten you, in your 30’s is an entirely different ball game to being 21 and full of confidence! Luckily Liverpool is an amazing city for a night out and any place you can dance your little heart out to an 80’s covers band until 2am on a Tuesday morning is alright with me….and him.Eric’s Mathew Street – You guys rock!

mcm comic con

I’m ridiculously excited to be reporting on MCM Comic Con Liverpool this weekend (March 11-12) and cant wait to be surrounded by passionate people (including my curly girl, mad RWBY fan) who nail their cosplay costumes every single time! How many Jokers do you reckon I can get a selfie with? Check out all the details of which TV stars are attending here.

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So lucky to be working with designer Alice James again after she ‘dressed’ me for last year’s Merseyside In Business Awards. This time I’m attending the James Bulger Memorial Trust Black Tie and Tiara Ball in support of my lovely friend, Jay Hynd as he hosts the star studded event, and Alice James has stepped in to help me update a vintage gown I fell in love with over a year ago…..all will be revealed on March 18th at the Crowne Plaza, Pier Head.

There’s tickets still available and if supporting the charity isn’t enough to make you snap up a ticket, boyband 5ive are headlining the entertainment! Tickets here.

Just don’t be late!

 

 

 

 

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